


Hurts like hell

by E_writer



Category: Shadowhunters (TV), The Shadowhunter Chronicles - Cassandra Clare
Genre: Death, Emotional Hurt, Grief/Mourning, Internal Monologue, Loss, M/M, Sadness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-31
Updated: 2019-01-31
Packaged: 2019-10-20 01:03:15
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 461
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17612483
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/E_writer/pseuds/E_writer
Summary: I loved and I loved and I lost you and it hurts like hell.





	Hurts like hell

_I loved and I loved and I lost you and it hurts like hell._

Love.

I never loved a person as much as I did love Alexander.

Every day of the last 50 years I loved him more and more.

It started with an innocent crush, but turned out to be the greatest thing that would ever happen to me in my whole life, even though I lived for centuries, I never experienced such thing as the love I felt for the raven haired boy.

The tickle in my stomach, I felt the first time I laid an eye on him.

The overwhelming feeling I had, the first time his lips had brushed against mine.

My heart racing when he first touched my skin and my heart missing a beat, the first time I he told me he loved me.

All this time, I felt this emptiness in my body, this hole nothing could fill, just like I've been a puzzle,waiting for the finishing piece and Alexander just came walking in and brought all this light with him, that filled up the dark space inside of me.

And for the first time in forever, I felt genuinely happy, I felt complete.

And now, the dark spot inside my heart starts to grow again.

Larger and larger with every aching breath I take.

I knew it all along, I knew that I´d lose him sooner or later, I knew that I'd end up alone one day, but I never thought that It'll be hurting so much.

I never thought that it would destroy me so badly.

I lost people before.

People I liked, people I loved, but I got over it.

It might have been taking some time, but sooner or later I forgot.

Forgetting makes it easier, makes it bearable.

That's how it used to be. But this time it's different.

How could I ever forget those bright blue eyes, that haven't lost even the slightest bit of color throughout the years?

How could I forget his black messy hair, that I loved to run my fingers through?

How could I forget his lovely smile, that made even the darkest of all days a little brighter?

How could I forget about his caring soul and his loving heart ?

I don't want to forget a single bit about the love of my life, but sooner or later I will.

I'm already dreading the day that I'll forget what his smile looked like.

The day I'll forget the exact shade of blue his eyes were.

The day I'll forget what his voice sounded like.

The day I'll forget what he smelled like and what his touch felt like.

The day I'll forget how happy we were.

The day I'll forget him.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm sorry it's such a lousy writing, English isn't my native language, so I'm not very fluent in it.   
> Please leave kudos and comments (feedback is much appreciated, since I'm still very new to writing stuff and not very good at it)
> 
> I hope you have a nice day!   
> Love ~E


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